Been a software developer for 15 years. I’ve applied for hundreds of positions this summer and all of them either never call me back or say they are interested in other candidates. I actually fucked up two coding tests this week and I dunno anymore. I’m just so disappointed and money is starting to get tight, and I have a surprise medical bill for a biologic. I’m thinking when I can’t afford rent, I’ll just kill myself.
What’s worse is I did have a job for two months but I fucked it up and botched a production instance. They let me go a couple weeks later, I wasn’t a good fit. I wanted to die then, and the sensation hasn’t gone away either. I lie about it because saying you are suicidal is a great way to be rubber roomed.