My comment was too long as is. There are like 20 comments in this thread I didn’t think I was asking for a lot to point you to a list.
I got to “the patriarchy” through leftism not feminism. When I say patriarchy I mean hierarchal structures of oppression. I spent a long time working against hierarchal structures and thinking before I realized that when feminists say “the patriarchy” they refer specifically to the primary hierarchal structure of oppression that has been operating for the last few centuries in the western world and in other parts. Since it’s more specific and precise than “the primary hierarchal structure of oppression that has been operating for the last few centuries in the western world and in other parts” I use it. It also helps me understand and connect to feminism better. I find as a man, it’s easy to feel alienated with certain rhetoric lately so this helps counter that.
I feel like I responded directly to your question though:
We don’t have a good pipeline for young men to get from curious to fighting for their rights through leftism
We’re not good allies to young men who fight for leftist ideology.
You’re right in your final point, most people just want to live their lives. When we show them the things that help them are on the left they’ll vote left. The ones who want to fight will be the ones fighting.