I remember growing up my dad was afraid playing with GIJoe and my sister’s Barbies would make me gay, I already wasn’t into sports and I always wore my heart on my sleeve. I remember an uncle saying I would turn out to have “limp wrists” (which was a stereotype of gay people) if we weren’t careful…
I don’t know how or when things changed but over a couple decades things changed a lot. My dad now is very openly emotional and has taken up selling his own art (which he never would have considered manly when I was a kid – weirdly poetry was the only “manly” art in our house). The whole family is very accepting of queer people and other cultures too.
I’m glad things have changed, my relationship with my dad is better than ever and we’re both happy. I won’t say I don’t have scars from growing up with the fear that doing what I liked and showing emotions would make everyone hate me. My heart goes out to actual queer folk and what they go through.
My brothers got a lot more of the attitudes OP mentions and are a lot more typical of your “don’t show feelings” men and it kinda tears me up. I can see when they feel vulnerable and they just shut things down.