Yeah, I enjoy SNW halfheartedly but it never hits the mark for me. I think you hit the nail on its head with your points about tonal whiplash, and the fandom pandering that Marvel and others have honed to to a formula.
What I find most jarring is that the show runners introduce this lovely crew of the pre-Kirk Enterprise, ripe for character exploration, and then either saddle them with “alternate timeline Kirk romance”, or sideline them to fill in some previously non-existing blanks in Spock’s love life…
I had been fine with a SNW show that was just Pike and his crew boldly going, but I personally feel like it’s hampered by scorecard TOS nostalgia. Clearly this is just my opinion, I do love it that people are so hyped over Star Trek again! I’m just jonesing for something that points to the show’s future, not another Spock/Kirk recast…