A Sysadmin Christmas Poem

I wrote this a Christmas or two ago and thought it would be nice to share to any of us out there dutifully on call.

<span style="color:#323232;">'Twas the night before Cristmas and all 'cross the web
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I was browsing through Discord, installed from a deb
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Not a user was working; the servers were quiet
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I perused a new webapp, thinking to try it
</span><span style="color:#323232;">When just like the spider, my senses did tingle
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Somewhere I knew of the plight of Chris Kringle
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I jumped out my chair, nearly fell 'ver my pooch
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Waded through wires and gave boxes a scooch
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I got out the door and eyes raised towards my roof
</span><span style="color:#323232;">What I saw was a joke, certainly just a goof
</span><span style="color:#323232;">For a fat jolly man sat so pondering prone
</span><span style="color:#323232;">With a quizzical look he was locked to his phone
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Not certain my role here not wanting to bother
</span><span style="color:#323232;">But asserting my role in this house as the father
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I shouted up top "Hey there Santa, what's cookin?
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Do you need some help? There's concern how you're lookin?"
</span><span style="color:#323232;">He called down to me "Oh shucks there dear boy
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I hate this here phone, this ridiculous toy
</span><span style="color:#323232;">The elves say to use it to guide my big flight
</span><span style="color:#323232;">But I can't seem see it cuz the screen's not too bright.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">It's always rerouting, about traffic it's warning,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">At this rate I'll still have the toys by the morning!
</span><span style="color:#323232;">My route's in the air not on parkways below,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">And I'll not be deterred by rain sleet or snow."
</span><span style="color:#323232;">"Well Santa," I said only wanting to help
</span><span style="color:#323232;">"The reviews for sleigh flight are quite poor here on Yelp.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">What you need it to switch your nav mode to airborne,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Not walking or driving, so don't be forlorn.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Just unlock the screen and hand it to me,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I'll get you fixed up and erase your worry."
</span><span style="color:#323232;">He handed it to me and to my surprise
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Not an android or iphone sat front of my eyes
</span><span style="color:#323232;">But a candy cane brick whose innards were magic
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I worried for now of an outcome most tragic
</span><span style="color:#323232;">But just then I spied it way up at the top
</span><span style="color:#323232;">The icon whose presence made mystery stop
</span><span style="color:#323232;">"Santa look up here this tiny white car,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">'Tis the icon that's stopping you from getting far.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">You're mapping as if you're a car on the ground
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Which is not too correct for you getting around.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">We can change it to sleigh flight by tapping right here,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">It'll also find stops where to rest your reindeer!
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Let's crank up the brightness by moving this slider
</span><span style="color:#323232;">To help your eyes rest and not stay open wider.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Lastly let's stream you some music to play,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Maybe TSO? How 'bout Michael Buble?"
</span><span style="color:#323232;">A genuine smile platered St. Nicholas' face
</span><span style="color:#323232;">His worries were gone, vanished not with a trace.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">"On this night here my friend you feel proud of yourself
</span><span style="color:#323232;">The magic you did is like that of an elf!
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I'm awed how you fix all this digital stuff,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I used to think reindeer and stockings were tough,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">But now I can see that the world is a changing
</span><span style="color:#323232;">And the skills that I use need to do some exchanging.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Now that it's working I really must go
</span><span style="color:#323232;">To deliver the presents 'fore roosters will crow.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">Speaking of morning, why are you awake?
</span><span style="color:#323232;">'Tis well after midnight unless I mistake?"
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I had but a chuckle, "Oh Santa don't dread,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">For I'm an IT guy and hate going to bed!
</span><span style="color:#323232;">There's a little more lemmy and masto to browsey
</span><span style="color:#323232;">I'll likely spend 3 to 4 hours this drowsy!"
</span><span style="color:#323232;">He chuckled, "OK, if that's how it works
</span><span style="color:#323232;">You enjoy all your trolling, browsing and lurks!"
</span><span style="color:#323232;">He hopped on his ride, took a seat, grabbed a reign
</span><span style="color:#323232;">And started to hum with Mariah's refrain.
</span><span style="color:#323232;">As he took to the air he gave pause to his song,
</span><span style="color:#323232;">"Merry christmas to you, may your uptimes be long!"
</span>