Why men lose all their friends in midlife ( www.telegraph.co.uk )

talizorah , 10 months ago

I had the distinct misfortune of being a loner for my formative years. As I’ve aged, I never hit my stride or found my niche. I have plenty of hobbies and things I enjoy, but no place to share them… even if I find a convention or rare place to explore them with others, they are often filled with people who already found their people and aren’t seeking any new applicants. Or, more likely, these places are far from where I am.

It then returns the burden to me. Do I keep my job and pay and current possessions… or do I sell all of it and move closer to the places I can find others? No, not even that: give up stability and security for the chance to find places to find others. Not even guaranteedz

IHeartBadCode , 10 months ago

even if I find a convention or rare place to explore them with others, they are often filled with people who already found their people and aren’t seeking any new applicants

Any group like that doesn't deserve your awesomeness my fellow person ✊.

talizorah , 10 months ago

You know it’s hard to believe those kinds of words. But I appreciate it all the same. ^^

Fizz , 10 months ago

Sometimes I travel a long way to put myself in a situation I think will may result in meeting like minded people and then when I get there I do nothing but look around a bit and then go home.

talizorah , 10 months ago

It happens so often! You break out of the comfort zone and spend resources and energy to make the effort, only to have nothing to show for it. Coming away with something (or someone!) is never the intended goal, but you’d feel better if you did, right?

RubiksIsocahedron , 10 months ago

I never had the chance to gain friends in my formative years; I grew up in neighborhoods filled with what were apparently now proto-fascists - this community would recognize the toxic masculinity. They all hated me simply because my family was poor, or because I moved in from somewhere else. They were never clear on why. All I know is that I am hated wherever I go, no matter how kind I am to others. There is no place for me on Earth - not even the option to move far away, because the part of people that hates the “other” is universal.

I hope you find people like yourself.

talizorah , 10 months ago

More now than ever, you find people that are takers and not givers. I was raised that if you were kind and generous, that you would attract others. But when everyone takes what you give, but gives nothing in return, you burn out and feel used. Once you have nothing left to give, they go away.

You’re only welcome if you have something to offer. If you have nothing, you are nothing in their eyes. Hi lighting the differences between us all is a worrying trend.

HaywardT , 10 months ago

I did have a lot more friends when I had a lot more money.