The fact that being stoic, emotionless or even cold is seen as a trait of masculinity is incredibly frustrating. I feel men should be encouraged to be passionate and expressive with their emotions. Anger shouldn't be the only one we encourage as a society. Have you ever seen a man glow up about his lego collection, or cry at a beautiful scene in a movie they love? More of that please.
Also, men are just as deserving of support networks as anyone else. Though we all experience life differently, we are all human in the end.
The fact that people took Stoicism, a philosophy that’s basically cognitive behavioral therapy for emotional awareness, and twisted it to mean “stiff upper lip” or “repress everything lest you seem weak” is depressing as hell.
It’s one of the reasons I’ve taken a liking to Diogenes’ Cynicism, seeing past the “social norms” and dumb social organization ideas humans come up with.
This is so true. I think for a lot of us this advice (or often command) was most frequently heard in these exact words during adolescence. That said this sentiment can at times feel very present.
In my experience it’s gotten better amongst men. Men telling each other to “man up” has largely died, and they are much better at supporting each other. A lot have gotten much better at recognizing when to ask for help too.
However, I think there are a lot of men in relationships under pressure to always be the rock, the protector and provider. They’re not allowed to have a problem or a weakness. I mean it’s a great way to flush out awful candidate partners. Show a little vulnerability and see how disinterested they get, but it gets tiresome.
This is great context. Particularly as it highlights the differences in gendered experiences. For women it’s in some ways a demand for attractiveness while for men it’s more of a literal command that is more likely to be used in self policing (that is men policing masculine expectations of other men). Also notable that both sentiments seem to be more likely to come from men.
As someone who presents masculine, I have gotten the "be a man" treatment from women several times. Ultimately it does come from a patriarchal standard of society, but its something that is perpetuated by everyone, consciously or otherwise. Not discounting what you are saying, but I think it's important to highlight that toxic masculinity can come from anywhere.
The biggest problem is that many people require the grind because we lack enough systems to ensure basic needs are met for them. When the grind is the only way to feed your family and afford rent, you gotta grind. The best way to break grind culture is to ensure that basic needs are met only requiring a standard work week and a single job.
Guess what? Right now I'm working on a project pretty much nonstop because I want to
I'm invested in the task, I want to get back to work immediately after breakfast (right now) because I know what I'm doing is important, and that when I have nothing important to do, I can just play mahjong or something online.
Treating your workers like competent, motivated adults will make them want to be competent, motivated adults.
I’m going to start by acknowledging I’m privileged not to worry too much about finances since I have a well paying job that I quite enjoy. I realize that the grind is a bitter necessity for some.
That said, living simply affords you the time to do this kind of thing. Notice how there’s no 70 inch MagnaPhallix 5000 OLED TV in the background. It’s old furniture in a cave. If you’re happy with simple things and time spent with friends you don’t need the grind as much.
It’s hard to find friends who are interested in sitting with you in a cave in a world full of material desires. Also, it’s not a cave, it’s a hollow tree. Have you never read Whinnie The Poo?
It is indeed a blessing. I had 4 very close friends who shared my enjoyment of simple things. One died, 2 went to prison, and the other lost his personality to politics. I haven’t really met any other people who I identify with in my adult life. I’m sure there are others out there, but it’s definitely harder to form bonds in middle age.
I’m really and truly all for not normalizing the grind and grind culture as I hate it. But right now, I’ve got to do it. I’ve got to put in time outside of work on this free online class on web development called The Odin Project because the thought of 20 more years in desktop support sickens me. So if I must grind out a year to improve my life, so sadly be it. I’m going to take a cat nap, recharge, and hit the books.
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