PeepinGoodArgs

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Check out my digital garden: The Missing Premise.

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PeepinGoodArgs ,

Yes, as someone that got into photography many years ago:

  • Rule of Thirds—Honestly, this is the easiest thing to learn. It won't make your photos amazing or anything, but it is a consistent way to view any scene, which is very useful.
  • Then watch some random video on photographic composition. There are many different ways to view a scene.
  • Learn the Aperture, Shutter Speed, ISO/Exposure Triangle. Absolutely crucial for learning to shoot manual.
  • Learn to shoot manual. Try taking good pics of fireworks on July 4th. It's tougher than it looks.
  • You don't need to get into editing raw photos, but it's fun af. I switched from Adobe Lightroom/Photoshop to ON1. I'd also recommend Affinity Photo. Unlike ON1, Affinity does not have a subscription and their software is comparable to Photoshop.

As for your photo, at a glance, I can't really tell it's shot as such as high ISO. But once you zoom in, you can see the fuzziness. Still though, I think it's kinda clear why you took the picture. It looks you're focusing on several interacting subjects (the bunny, the butterfly, the turquoise fence with the bunny outline) that all framed really well by the wooden house and the negative space at the top and right edges of the frame. I, for one, like it a lot!

Anyway, have fun! Photography is one of the hobbies I'm happiest to have. I hope it ends up being as fulfilling for you!

PeepinGoodArgs ,

This is going to be counter intuitive: being a POS is something some people want. They especially want it if it promises them comfort, luxury, or status.

I mean, look at all the trash people consume everyday despite how bad it is for them. We all know it's bad. Still, we gotta have it.

Being a POS is like drinking soda with no one to tout the benefits of drinking straight H2O. The left needs to make drinking water sexy!

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Yeah, I get it. It's really hard to understand. It's just basic respect, right? How could someone not value basic human decency?

I can't answer that question. All I know is that some people just don't.

It doesn't make sense to me that domestic abusers will beat up someone that loves them, yet it still happens. Politicians push legislation that they know will hurt their constituents, yet they still push it. Parents will try to force the lifestyle they desire for their children on their children out of love, even as it alienates their children, yet they persist. Some (many/all??) criminals know what they do hurts other people, yet they still commit crime.

I don't get it either. I only know basic human decency isn't valued by a lot of people. And you can indignantly scoff at such people all you want, incredulous that they just don't get the basics of empathy, a fundamental human emotion. They'll hurt others all the same.

Me, though? Drawing on my empathy, I hope such people find the happiness and freedom they're looking for without the pain and suffering they cause.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Me too! I plan on doing a PhD sometime in my 40s, before I turn 50.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Rule of thirds was the first composition rule I learned when I began photography may years ago, and has stuck with me since.

The Cultural Contradictions of Neoliberalism: The Longing for an Alternative Order and the Future of Multiracial Democracy in an Age of Authoritarianism - Roosevelt Institute ( rooseveltinstitute.org )

This is report discusses the cultural environment in which men's liberation occurs. It points out that the right has successfully weaponized neoliberal discontent to further it's anti-democratic goals. Under the heading "Self-Help Toxic Masculinists and Conspiritualists Weaponize WASH":...

PeepinGoodArgs ,

My favorite thing about this book is that it covers every right and left wing talking point about men. All the concerns about men I've ever heard were at least mentioned in this book. In most cases, they were resolved satisfactorily.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

What would you prefer and why?

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Does everyone not realize we’ve entered into the Age of Corporations? Business interests have won.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

If you want to get all bougie, you can get your bed up off the floor, but really, it’s not that big of a deal.

Or stay with the floor mattress but make it a habit to fold it and tidy up the area. It’d be like Asian style living!

PeepinGoodArgs ,

If you prefer SOOC, please send me your raws if you shoot raw. I’d love to edit them!

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Would many straight men even read this fabled column? Again, I asked some friends. “I probably wouldn’t be interested in reading a column by some dude cos I’d just think, well, that’s him I guess. I can’t imagine finding it useful or applying it to me in any way.”

I think this is it for me. Women vary, and what works for some dude’s woman probably won’t work for mine.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Not the person you’re asking, but a veteran of 4 scant years in the Navy.

Yes, and no, respectively.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

…yeah, okay, I’ll subscribe to this community.

Ohio Republicans Say It’s Their ‘God Given Right’ to Restrict Abortion Access ( web.archive.org )

Ohio Republicans are claiming a constitutional amendment protecting abortion rights, which was approved by voters in Tuesday’s election, doesn’t actually do that — and they’re promising to take steps to prevent the legal protection of reproductive freedom in the state....

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Isn’t the vague language their fault? They intentionally kept it vague hoping voters would be confused. But they weren’t

PeepinGoodArgs ,

I’ll third YNAB. I’ve been using it for years. Being able to see how the money in your checking account already has a purpose and isn’t sitting there waiting to be spent on some bullshit is huge. My SO and I argue about stuff, but our financial stress, a huge problem in many relationships, is nonexistent.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

I didn’t know other people knew about this guy! I like his economic analysis a lot.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

“It’s community,” a students said toward the end of class one day. “That’s the thing straight men are really missing.”

I 100% agree with this.

What straight men could learn from queer men – aside from a host of stylistic, hygienic and sex tips – is to have a greater zeal and lust for life.

Not so much with this. I love life. Still, it’d be nice to have friends to turn to.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

In our November 1958 issue, in his essay “The Crisis of American Masculinity,” he wrote, “Only a few people at any time in human history have enjoyed the challenge of ‘making’ themselves; most have fled from the unendurable burden of freedom into the womblike security of the group.

Basically, the Republican party.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

There’s a reason it’s specifically about Barbie…

PeepinGoodArgs OP ,

I don’t have time for videos. Give me text.

I feel this.

I think the real challenge is wanting to be a better person enough to really pursue it.

That was one of my criticisms of the video: these men lived up to patriarchal masculine standards and were punished for it. Being in prison can make it really easy to see that an alternative is not only wanted, but desperately needed. It seems only natural to me that there’s a space in prison for discourse like this. I wonder if feminism would’ve have had the same force if it had been offered to these men when they were receiving more rewards from patriarchy, before it’d taken so much from them.

PeepinGoodArgs OP ,

I added it to the original post.

PeepinGoodArgs OP ,

What does it mean to be “whole”? Where can I find information on what being whole is? Who decided on that information? Why is being “whole” something we all must aspire to?

So, in The Will to Change, bell hooks is using a concept developed by M. Scott Peck in “Further Along The Road Less Traveled” labeled compartmentalization.

Peck argues that compartmentalization is a way to avoid feeling pain: “We’re all familiar with the man who goes to church on Sunday morning, believing that he loves God and God’s creation and his fellow human beings, but who, on Monday morning, has no trouble with his company’s policy of dumping toxic wastes in the local stream. He can do this because he has religion in one compartment and his business in another.”

And they discuss this concept in the video really well. I added the timestamp at the request of the mod so you can pick up the video where the quote begins. They discuss how they abandoned their ideals in the moment to live up to patriarchal values. That’s not who they really were, but the performance they thought they had to play.

Being whole isn’t an appeal to purity. Nor is it nebulous. It means not wearing a different mask for different occasions, not compartmentalizing, and not playing roles that go against or, worse, undermine your values.

PeepinGoodArgs OP ,

I mean…yeah.

That’s exactly what it’s called. Did you watch the video??

But as the original quote says, patriarchy encourages compartmentalization, where men believe they act with integrity when they really don’t. To some extent, then it’s enough to say “that’s just called integrity”. Many men have a false sense of it. How can we differentiate between the two? By referencing the idea of compartmentalization and wholeness.

That is, it’s as complicated as it needs to be for language to describe the exceedingly complex world of human behavior.

PeepinGoodArgs OP ,

Feelings of being consistent when you’re not.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Then we can call it Emancipatory Masculinity. My takeaway from reading The Will to Change by bell hooks was that boys and men should be free to be who they are and to freely explore what that means. As you say, classic feminist discourse allowed emancipation for women, and the same should be true for masculinity based on feminism.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

In the first 30 seconds, Peterson both encourages men to be “competent and dangerous” and says criticizes the young men that commit mass shootings as weak. In the above passage, bell hooks reveals how contradictory that is and how the the need to be competent and dangerous leads to mass shootings. They’re the same side of the coin.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

People are, once again, portraying boys and men as a broken by design and pile on the blame rather than helping them grow.

Really, it’s a condemnation of society for breaking boys and men. The passage preserves the opportunity for wholesomeness by having men reject the programs of violence.

And it’s just a case in point if men feel attacked by the passage with a superficial reading and then rush into the arms of toxic influencers who tell them they need to be violent.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

I’ve wondered why more young men aren’t nurses. That can be a very lucrative career, albeit also very demanding. And it would address the nursing shortage.

"War on Mexico": Republicans ramp up calls for military action as they blast Democrats as warmongers ( www.salon.com )

Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene posted on X, formerly known as Twitter, on Wednesday that the Democrats are going to drag the country into a full-scale war to “unite the country behind Biden.” The Republican said it would “be horrific” and would infuriate the country “but make no mistake, they want war.” Donald...

PeepinGoodArgs ,

I was told that this was “just rhetoric” on a conservative instance. So, it’s okay. They’re just looking for support.

The same person also told me he lived under a rock. So…ya know…critical thinking.

[News] A Texas judge has declared unconstitutional a law championed by Gov. Greg Abbott that limits the power of Democrat-led cities ( www.businessinsider.com )

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott, a Republican, signed a bill into law in June that prohibited cities from passing certain local ordinances. It was widely seen as an effort to curb the power of Democrat-led cities....

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Too many of my fellow Americans would literally shoot themselves dead before they do that.

PeepinGoodArgs , (edited )

I remember when I was younger and I was at basketball practice. I was nervous pretty frequently, and so I would laugh to diffuse the tension within myself. My dad was there supervising or being an assistant coach or something. Idk. But—and I remember this very clearly—the coach told me to stop smiling because “it makes you look weak.” I looked to my dad for some sort of support and he just shrugged. Fortunately, I didn’t internalize that message.

But I always remember that moment as someone trying to crush some of the boyish joy I had in life. Like, yeah, I was nervous, and laughter seemed like a perfectly reasonable solution. But my father and the coach had grown up in a very, very different environment where moments of happiness weren’t nearly as abundant as they were in my life.

For reference, my father grew up in Atlanta, GA during the Civil Rights Era as an African American. So, it definitely wasn’t all snips, snails, and puppy-dog tails. My coach (also an African American and about my dad’s age) and my father’s emotional self-mutilation was an act of survival. I get that.

But still, looking back, it sucks a lot that they reinforced that sense of danger they’d internalized over the course of their lives and tried to pass it on to me. What sucks even more is that, while I didn’t internalize that particularly patriarchal message, I did internalize others.

I just want to be happy and feel safe. Why is that so much to ask?

PeepinGoodArgs ,

American Express Blue Cash Preferred. That 6% on groceries comes in clutch with as much food as we buy.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

You assume that the other branches of government are fair. That’s dangerous.

[META] What sort of recurrent discussion threads would you like to see here?

Currently I have a Free Talk Friday thread in mind and longer term would like to do Mental Health Mondays. I think Mental Health Monday should probably wait until I can put together some more resources and better guidelines for posting on mental health related topics (particularly content warnings), so don’t expect to see that...

PeepinGoodArgs ,

…what have you been reading/consuming?

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Hey! I’m currently reading The Will to Change. It’s a short book, but deep. It addresses literally every issue everybody who talks about masculinity has ever mentioned. And, most importantly, it has me reconsidering a few things in my life.

Wait, which Arrival? The one about aliens is my favorite movie. But I don’t think I’ve seen the other one before. Similarly, I have no idea who oliSUNvia is.

As for me, I’m processing The Will to Change and reconsidering my stance to masculinity. It’s an interesting ongoing personal conversation.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

Finally home to answer this!

Yes Arrival with the aliens from Dennis Villeneuve ( god I’m bad at speeeelling and rememberkng names)

Swoon. I love that movie. It really demonstrates the social construction of meaning at the end. As for your take away, I’d never thought out of it in those terms. What about that movie led you to that conclusion?

What’s the thing that has been most affected of your stance on masculinity by her book would you say?

Oh boy. I’ll try to keep this short. As a married man, it’s not an understatement to say that I feel attacked when bell hooks criticizes patriarchal values for engendering compartmentalization. Somehow, I love my wife while hiding my feelings from her in many cases. And I hide them because…I’m supposed to be a man? I can’t express myself because of my position as a husband? bell hooks reveals this is patently absurd patriarchal thinking.

But it’s not like I’ve kept a stone wall for a face forever. I have become angry enough to express myself in the past. And lo and behold! I’m rejected?! That’s not how it’s supposed to go when a man, as I am, reveals his feelings to his loving wife. bell hooks helped me realize that we’re both caught up in patriarchal thinking. Women rejecting men’s feelings, especially the feelings of men their close to, is just as toxically patriarchal as men rejecting their own feelings.

I guess I didn’t really answer your question exactly, but that’s definitely the most salient way her book as affected me.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

You should read the short story that Arrival was based on. The book is called Stories of your Life, the Arrival story being “Story of Your Life”. Honestly, I almost cried, it was so beautiful. And I think your interpretation of the movie fits much, much better with the original version. I’m gonna read it again now.

I still have a hard time communicating my needs. I can express my less extreme ones, but they still rile her up. Idk, it’s definitely a work in progress. And I can definitely relate to the difficulty of growing emotionally.

Also, I watched the video you linked, and really liked it. It was like a long form take down of r/relationships.

You are making my days btw with these responses, it feels really nice to write with you. And now that I know you love Arrival, what are other movies that you really liked? :3

I’m enjoying them, too!

As for movies…uhh…idk. I don’t usually watch movies unless I’m super bored. I can’t remember having watched anything worthwhile in a bit. How about you?

PeepinGoodArgs ,

I like your take on relationships. It is definitely work to maintain a relationship. God damn. And sometimes trivial stuff to you is super important to them, and no one knows why—okay, I’m just complaining. But I definitely agree. I also found the BDSM community (though I’m very vanilla) very focused on communication. That’s funny, though, right? These “deviant” communities model better approaches to communication than mainstream models.

I’m a huuuuuuuuuge sucker for SciFi especially when the social commentary is really being explored

Oh, hey, more that we have in common lol. I love sci-fi.

I’m starting my last master’s year in 2 weeks so I’ve been looking forward and dreading it at the same time

This must be a joke. I’m currently in my last master’s year. I’m doing an MBA. Never really wanted one but my job is paying for it so…why not? PLus, I enjoy studying. When I was younger, I failed out of college, and somehow convinced myself that studying is kinda fun. That way, when I went back, I’d kill it. And I did.

What’s your master’s for? In any case, if you’ve got this far, you’ve probably overcome most of the really, really hard parts, right?

What are you doing on your end that you don’t end up super bored?

I don’t even know now. I can say that I spend a lot of time playing Dota 2 (god I hate that game…I’m gonna play a match in half an hour lol). I also have this weird obsession with trying to breakdown right-wing arguments entirely for my own benefit. Otherwise, it feels like time passes by so quickly that I don’t do much of anything before something else is due. You know?

PeepinGoodArgs ,

There’s even a tendency for people to think it is unmanly to sleep more, because needing rest is connected to being weak and vulnerable.

Lol. If your idea of manliness is threatened by getting more sleep, you probably need to grow up and take a nap.

bell hooks got it

“The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on...

PeepinGoodArgs ,

bell hooks explicitly address the violence women inflict on their sons:

patriarchal mothers who have rage at grown men act out with sons. They may either force the son to enter into an inappropriate relationship in which he must provide for her the emotional connection grown men deny her or engage in emotional abuse in which the son is constantly belittled and shamed. These acts of patriarchal violence serve to reinforce in the mind of boy children that their violence toward females is appropriate. It simply feels like justifiable vengeance. Feminist idealization of mother-hood made it extremely difficult to call attention to maternal sadism, to the violence women enact with children, especially with boys. And yet we know that whether it is a consequence of power dynamics in dominator culture or simply a reflection of rage, women are shockingly violent toward children. This fact should lead everyone to question any theory of gender differences that suggests that women are less violent than men.

Hoenstly, The Will to Change addresses every popular argument about masculinity I’ve seen, and defines and explains the role of patriarchy. Fantastic book. 100/100. Read it. I should’ve read it years ago.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

How so? Do you think that women are generally violent towards their children? Isn’t that in direct opposition to how women are often portrayed?

PeepinGoodArgs ,

This is not a matter of faith lol. I am no zealot.

I’m curious as to how you understand human nature, though.

PeepinGoodArgs ,

in some ways it’s just the way we are.

Is it? What makes you think that our loneliness is inherent to us? How is it inherent to us?

PeepinGoodArgs OP ,

It can and does lead to rejection of the male for doing what he thinks he “should” do as a modern man…

This is why my first girlfriend dumped me lol. Talk about an identity crisis

And yeah, it’s interesting that they hold those views even as they suffer from them. Men who hold them can be incredibly violent towards women.

PeepinGoodArgs OP ,

The crisis is then that conservatives don’t want anyone to try any alternatives. They blame the alternatives for economic and social realities. They blame problems on people who think in different ways than they do.

Uhh, well conservatives fundamentally believe that the Old Ways have stood the test of time. Deviating from it is dangerous and can lead to unforeseen consequences. (Conservative rhetoric characterizes all deviations as either a slippery slope into debauchery, a threat to society, or subtly perverse).

So yeah, they blame people who think differently.

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